So I am sitting here at home with the kids and am just having one of "those days".Oh my goodness am I ever. I just feel like locking myself in my room, and letting the babies cry all day long while I just cry myself. I swear it all starts the instant I wake up. Having to referee the kids, "leave your brother alone Emma", " Chase dont push your sister', Chase stop spitting your food everywhere", Emma be careful", " Chase get that out of your mouth", "Emma Cover your mouth when you cough", " Dont wipe your snot on the couch" " Dont walk right up to Chase and cough in his face"Emma Give that toy back to Chase", " you guys need to share", Emma go to time out", " Chase dont write on the wall", "Emma dont close the door on your brother", Emma let your brother in the room" "get your brother out of the dryer". It never freaking ends. Lets not forget, while I am saying all of these things, I have to physically correct them. I have to get the toy back from Emma to give back to Chase,I have to clean the lip liner off of the wall because Chase got into my make-up, I have to clean the snot off of the couch, I have to clean Chase's food from all over the ground that he has thrown. I have to get Chase out of the dryer, I have to vaccum up the glass from the candle that Emma dropped, I have to clean the poop off of the carpet that leaked out of Chases diaper because he has diarreah, I have to wake up with Emma 100 times at night because she is coughing so bad she is choking, I have to run her to the bathroom so she doesnt pee herself beacause she waits for the absolute last second that she has to go. I have to call the doctor about emmas cough that has lasted 3 weeks, be put on hold for about 15 min only to have my phone battery die on me right when they answer, I have to clean their rooms only to turn right back around to see that it is a disaster again. I have to answer all of Emmas 100 questions a day, " wheres daddy?" Lets call Devin.. Lets call Shell. Lets call grandma, lets call daddy. mommy, whats this, Mommy what are we gonna do? Mommy come and sit with me. And then the household chores too, make breakfast, clean up after that, make lunch clean up after that, make dinner clean up after that, Only to have all the meals that I have prepared on the floor or not even eaten at all, I just ask myself why do i even bother? Do the 100 pounds of laundry everyday, fold it and put it away.Clean my husbands pee off of the freaking toilet because he has bad aim. (gross) I just feel like there is no time to just sit on the floor with my babies, Enjoy them, Enjoy being a mother, and play with them. If I did that all day, there would be no time for the house stuff to get done, or it wouldnt get done at all. We wouldnt have clean dishes to eat from, we wouldnt have clean clothes to wear, we would have to go to the bathroom in a pee infested toilet. I can never start a new project or clean up a mess that is from the nigtht before because I am cleaning new messes or stopping the kids from doing something they shouldnt be doing. I fell like I am cleaning the house all day long, then at the end of the day I look around and think what in the heck did I do today? I dont get to do anything that I want to do. Like put together scrapbooks for the kids( but again thats for the kids), Just sit around all day and vege out in my P.J.s, or just go to a bookstore and read all day long about things that I want to read about. I dont get to just get in the car whenever I want just to run to the store to grab a gallon of milk, it hufe chore, get both kids in, buckle them , make sure Chase hase his blankie or he will freak.How does everyone else do it? I mean do i just need to get a job outside of the house so I feel like my life isnt so worthless? I try to maintain a social life for sanity reasons with jazzercise with Shell or church playgroups, but its just not the same as it used to be. Of course not though, Now I have to find a sittrer if we want to go do something, I cant just call a friend and say, hey meet me here at this time.I do the best that I can. I try to get out of the house with the kids to do fun things with them because I know that they need to get out of the house just as much as I do. But thats hard to. I am chasing both of them around like a mad woman. I get stares from people like I am some sort of young mother without a daddy to my babies and I dont know what i am doing. I get stares as I am struggling through the door with my double stroller instead of someone helping me with the door, they say" looks like you have your hands full". I just wanna punch them in the face. I try to go grocery shopping with them, (boy is that a mistake). They are at the age where they dont want to sit in the cart anymore and If i dont let them out, they throw little tantrums and then I get those evil stares again. We go the gymnastics and to the mall to play in the area, or the bookstore to read books, or to the childrens museum, or to Omsi, but those are just a couple hour acivities, because we have to come back home so the kids can nap. Then its back to the same daily rutine.And even when we are out, there are still interuptions. Emma has to pee, We have to find the nearest bathroom and run... 15 minutes later Chase poops his diaper, we have to find the bathroom again but are now further away from it.And then the dads just get to have the fun part of being a parent as far as I am concerned. The kids are so excited to see him when he gets home. I never get the chance to be missed because I am with them all day long. The dads just get to come home to a clean house ( not all the time) and dinner ready ( again , not all the time) And get to play with the kids. They miss out on the diarreah on the floor, the snot on the couch, the refereeing the kids all day long. I go to jazzercise about four times a week and am gone for 1 1/2 to 3 hours tops cause sometimes I go to the mall after or just do whatever to get away for awhile longer and Pat gets a tiny taste what its like to stay at home with 2 toddlers that are 11 months apart, but will never know the full jist of it because he isnt at home with them both all day long. Unless I video tape my whole day with them will he be able to see what really goes on, but even then its different because its not him staying home, he just gets to watch it. I guess when being a mother we just have to take the good with the bad. The hard times with the good times, the happy times with the sad times, the wanting to shake your baby times with the you want to kiss and hug them all over times. Emma and Chase have changed my life in more ways than one. They have made me more selfless, the have humbled me, they have Changed my life for the better.I mean I get 2 little peole that look to me to teach them everything they need to know. I get 2 little peolple to tell me that the love me. I get 2 little people to only want me when they are sad or hurt. I get Emma to tell me that I am the best in the world and that she loves me so much. I get Chase to not want to go to bed without him kissing me. By staying home I dont have to miss out on any of their firsts, like rolling over, crawling, walking, like their first words, their first solid foods,or their first day of school .When i think that I am not appreciated by them , I have to remember that they are to little to know how to communicate in words how the feel, so I turn to their little gestures of kindness for my thank yous. But then again sometimes I ask, is this really the life that I chose Heavely Father. Did I really want to become a mother at 23 then at 24? Did I really want to give up my freedom to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted? And the answer is yes, Yes I did Choose this life and I am more than greatful for it. Being a mother is hard, Being a wife is hard, its hard to balance the 2. Its hard to strenghthen Pat and my realationship when I have to deal with the chaotic life of motherhood. Its hard being responsible for 2 little peoples lives, but it teaches me something new about myself everyday. I just have to remember that the kids are still so little, thats why its so hard right now. It can only get better right? But then I will be busy with new things when they are in school, baking cookies for bake sales, taking the kids to soccer pracice, dance practice, parent/teacher conferences. Taking and picking up the kids from school, voulenteering in their classrooms, taking them to their friends houses, having sleepovers, mending broken hearts from their first loves, calling other parents because their kid is bullying my kid, and many many more things I am sure.I am greatful for my life. I am so blessed to be able to stay at home with my babies. My life is full of blessings that sometimes I forget to count. Its days like these hard ones that i need to sit down and remember that I chose this life. I am doing the best with the cards that I have been dealt, and thats all that anybody can ask for. But after all is said and done this my life, it may be hard at times, but its mine and I wouldnt change it for the world. I love my husband, I love my kids, I love my family, I love myself and I know that when I die, that my Heavenly Father will praise me for being a mother to 2 of his beautiful children. I feel a whole lot better thatn when I first started this blog!!! :-)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
so I have about a little over 2 and a half months left of being pregnant!! really when I think about it.. it has just flown by!! My last day of work is June 17th! I am stopping work a little earlier this time so we can plan some fun summer activities with Emma and Chase before there are 3 babies in the house! I love Emma and Buddy so much.. I hope I will be a good enough mom to 3 kids instead of just 2... Will I forget about one of them, will I not have enough time for one of them? I have a few fears of being a mom to 3, but I know that in the end, I will know that I did my best and that's all we can ever do! I cant wait to meet this little guy! When I feel him kick me all over, I get that more anxious! He is probably my most active baby so far! I dont know if thats a good thing or bad thing though! But maybe it will be opposite, he will be crazy in the womb, but calm and sweet when he is here! Emma and Chase did move quite a bit but nothing like this do I remember! But I love every minute of it! Pat has felt him and Chase has to, but Emma has not yet, so I am waiting for that to happen!! So we are scrambling around trying to get everything ready for our new addition.. We have to put Chase and Emma in the same room so we totally gutted Emmas room out (its the bigger out of the two) and are making it neutral for the kids! Pat is putting in laminate flooring right now and we already painted it! Wwe got them bunk beds also which they are super excited about! its goign to look so good! Icant wait to see the finished product! It was kind of bitter sweet taking down all Emma's girly decor from her room.. It has been light purple and done in care bears since she was born! But really when I think about it, she never really was into care bears, I just did her nursery in the bears because I loved them whemn I was little! And poor Chase, he never really had a "real" decorated nice nursery!!! We just re did his room (or really did anything to it at all) about 5 months ago! We did it in the Disney cars theme but he NEVER sleeps in his room! He sleeps with his sister or us!! so hopefully his new room will be cool enough to sleep in!! so our new baby boy is taking Chase's room and that room is the next one to be re done! there is really no theme to it, just soft.. blue and brown!! I cant wait to have everything done! but then my kids are gonna have nicer rooms than me and Pat!!!.. but anyway we are duper excited for our lives to change again! busy times are coming, with Emma starting kindergarten in September and Chase starting preschool and me carting around a new baby picking and dropping everyone off! I hope I am ready for the task!!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
We had our big ultrasound today! Everything loos good so far... I have to go back in 3 weeks though because they didn't get a good picture of the nose and mouth or a certain part of the heart. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the sex of the baby since we have one of each I kinda wanted to be surprised.. But of course when we got there Pat and the tech peer pressured me into knowing! lol... I am glad though that I found out because I am pretty excited now! Not that I wasnt excited before... I just think that now that I know what I am having I am even more excited! I was hoping for a boy all along and said from the beginning that I didnt want a girl... then I got started thinking just with in the last couple weeks that thats pretty rude of me to say I dont want a girl... I got looking through Emma's old cute baby clothes and it got me to be excited about the fact that it could be a girl! But low and behold... Its a BOY!!!!!! yay! He was waving to us which pat got on video with his phone! It was really cool! He was also sucking his thumb so we will see if that sticks! Hopefully Chase will stop sucking his thumb by the time this one comes! Another reason I wanted a boy to was for chase because they will be closer in age than Emma and the girl would have been., There will still be a 4 year gap inbetween Chase and this one but thats better than 5!! Anyway We couldn't be happier and we are so excited to have this new little guy in our family!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
It is late... I need to go to sleep.... So I just sort of figured out how to do this whole blogging fiasco... So I will update this more tomorrow!!!